Anger

I am a roiling, seething, cauldron of anger today. I have been for the last week and it is directly attributable to my job. I am a driver at a retirement home and that alone is a fairly stressful job. My official title is driver/activities. That means that I get to drive the bus and the car and be on call whenever someone needs a ride anywhere or an errand done. It also means that I get to ride herd on the day care participants. When I was first hired, I was really excited. I planned all these really great activities but I soon realized that I could not do them because I never knew when I would be called out to drive and there was no one to take over for me if I left. So I pretty much settled for the path of least resistance in order to meet as many obligations as I could. I used to have this job all to myself and some days I hardly knew if I was coming or going. When I was driving, I wasn't taking care of my other responsibilities but since driving is my first job it is also my first priority. My job also includes being responsible for fueling, cleaning and maintaining the company vehicles. These duties often got pushed aside or put on a back burner till I could get to them. Then I got help. I was really pretty excited at first. I thought that now I would have time to really do my job correctly and when I am on campus I would be there to assist with day care participants. I was a little jealous that she was going to have the time to plan the fun activities that I never could but that was ok. Now reality has set in and I find that I have even less time than ever before. Now I have even less time than ever before to perform the duties related to driving because the activities department believes that with two personnel there is no reason we should not both be on campus at all times unless I actually have to take someone home or to the doctor. Now I am being told when to take care of my duties and what to do after I have done them by people who don't have a clue about what my duties actually are.  I used to be able to eat alone and even study or read my Bible on my break and get my head on straight after tense or stressful mornings. Today, I walked into work and prepared to go straight out and fuel the bus but my helper informed me that I couldn't do that because she had to prepare the craft that I was going to help the people work on while she helped set up for the party. I stood there serving the people their breakfasts and wishing for some adult conversation that had some basis in reality when it hit me that I was the one who got up and dressed in a uniform so I could drive myself to this place. It was my own fault that I am here and so I have decided that something must change. I am not sure whether that means I will end up looking for a new job or what but I do know that change is going to happen. Tomorrow we are shorthanded again so that will not be the day to do anything but starting Monday, my first loyalty will be to the driving portion of my job. After that, I will do all that I reasonably can. We will see if that is enough. I don't really want to have to find another job. I have been happy here for the most part and the pay is good. The people are really funny when I am able to enjoy them.

RW